Blogger Tom Truelson started writing a journal back in 1994, as he struggled with suicidal thoughts and intentions. In his latest blog piece he talks about the process of writing this journal and how it helped him deal with and make sense of his thoughts. Check out his blog for his other writings and stories of his experiences: fortheheartcries.blogspot.com
You have heard of the expressions, “You drive yourself crazy” and “Don’t drive yourself crazy.” There was a time when I was an expert, a grand master, at driving myself crazy.
I was living in a world of my own creation, suffering in silence from self-inflicted mental turmoil and torture. My mind, at times, uncontrollable, a whirlwind of madness – as I created conflicts that didn’t exist, conversations that never happened, fears that were imaginary, uncertainties that were illusionary.
I was on a cycle of therapy, medications and mental frenzy and overload – a roundabout of exhaustion in search of an exit, an escape.
Then one day I decided to start a journal, to write down what I was going through on a daily basis and being brutally honest about the devastating conflicts that were raging within my mind – and the turmoil and torture these thoughts created.
Did it help? Not at first, but I kept writing day after day – a required rigid regiment in my life. Gradually, I began to improve. Becoming more aware of the self-destruction of my thoughts as I saw them written of the page.
In time I was better able to control these thoughts and was able to recognise when my mind was about to take flight on a trip I didn’t want to take.
So, take pen to hand, one word after another will take you on a journey, an adventure – destination unknown.