Sarah Strutt has generously shared some poetry she has written regarding events throughout her life. Having been registered blind due to a degenerative genetic disorder at the age of 17, she continued her studies on to university, before having to withdraw at age 20 due to ill health. She has then faced challenging times since, after a diagnosis of an emotionally unstable personality disorder and psychosis. She felt that she would never overcome the barriers facing her, but slowly she is realising that this is not true. She’s due to return to college in September and facilitates a creative writing group, finding great inspiration along the way. She wanted to share her poetry in the hope that someone can relate to any small part of it.

I found great strength in knowing that I am not alone and I hope that I can reach people in a similar situation and realise the same and to carry on fighting as you will discover many reasons for which life is worth living.

Sarah Strutt, 2019

 

 

Lifeless

I slump in my seat

Wipe my tears on my sleeve

The emptiness within me continues to breed

My lungs fail to inflate, no air enters or leaves

I trust nobody the truth no longer exists

To offer entry to my heart seems too great a risk

Reckless are my actions inhibitions disappear

Suffocated by the contents of the atmosphere

My mind is chaotic and over populated my response and your words rarely are equated

Immensely sorry for the burdens of my personality

Consequence of my continued mental infirmity

Any glimpse of light rapidly fading away

Can’t bear this anymore must meet my end today

 

Not in our remit

Can I ask why you behaved in this way

When ask if you’re okay why did you fail to say

That your desire to be living is beginning to stray

Take a seat in that room

Someone will be with you soon

When your body proves unharmed from the pills you have consumed

Can’t locate the results from blood taken some time ago

I searched the files but your name failed to show

A male allocated to the room you occupy

Unsure of who noted this data or the reason why

You left the hospital before the doctor treated you

The story that you told differs from that of the ambulance crew

Mental health team unaware that you’re in the hospital

Until that is completed our help is not possible

You are coping well managing your condition

And remember we are always here to listen

 

Sunrise

Known are my strengths and limitations

Fuel for this journey is my determination

I embraced the day with my increased mental acuity

Armed with my skills leap into the community

Descriptors on my skin and anecdotes from troubled times

“my escape from the torture in my mind

I know I will not stand tall for eternity

But Returning to my feet is a certainty

Some people might try to make my strength shrink

But my desire to help people erasers what they might think

I try therefore there is a chance I may succeed

Battling with impediments to which I am aggrieved

Neither a name nor a number defined only by my heart

Which has no capacity for ridiculing remarks

Years of practice have perfected the smile I display

Now a reflection from within not an image I portray