One of our visitors Anne has reflected on the difficulties she’s faced this past year, particularly how she has struggled with accessing support remotely.
When I’m in the same room as someone face-to-face I feel relaxed and safe and I feel more like the sort of person I used to feel like before the pandemic. Zoom isn’t able to replace that feeling for me.
My year of isolation has been really hard, so much harder than I thought it was going to be when all this started a year ago. I don’t have any adult relatives and I don’t have any friends, it’s been difficult not having anyone to be able to form a support bubble with. It’s been frustrating that nearly all mental health support day and night has been done over Zoom, as I really struggle with it.
There’s lots of reasons why I don’t like Zoom the main one being that I’m still ultimately left on my own in the flat feeling anxious. I’m on my own in the flat day and night and it’s incredibly hard for me to sleep – I’m often crying myself to sleep for hours struggling to cope with the flashbacks and anxiety – but when I’m in the same room as someone face-to-face I feel relaxed and safe and I feel more like the sort of person I used to feel like before the pandemic. Zoom isn’t able to replace that feeling for me.
Zoom unfortunately hasn’t really made me feel any less isolated either. When I’m on it I often end up just feeling frustrated that I’m not seeing people in real life. I’m still on my own, so it’s been hard with almost all support day and night using that platform. I’ve not often been able to access support through the day which has been hard for the last year, especially when I don’t have any adult family or friends – I can’t just go for a walk in the park with another adult.
Being on my own in the flat day and night having flashbacks and feeling anxious on my own has been really painful this past year and I’ve really struggled with sleep and I’ve struggled with feeling frustrated. I will be so glad when I can be around other people more in real life and feel happy and laugh and feel relaxed. I can remember the sort of person that I used to feel like before the pandemic and I’m looking forward to the day when I can feel like that again and not the frustrated person that a year of isolation and lack of sleep has made me become.
Looking forward to feeling the way I used to feel is what’s helped me get through the last year – looking forward to being the relaxed happy and fun person that I used to feel like before the pandemic. I didn’t realise what a good place I was in; I had things that I used to look forward to and things that made me feel happy. I used to feel isolated before too, but not to the same degree. I used to see adults in real life for about thirty hours a week. I’m so looking forward to the days when I can see adults for about thirty hours in a week face-to-face.
I’m looking forward to having things to look forward to again.